The Gift of Fear and Men and Women At Their Cores

Was watching self defense expert Gavin De Becker on a show, the author of an entrancing book called The Gift of Fear.
The book is all about using your intuition to keep yourself safe.

He said several interesting things:
Women are taught by society that they have to be nice all the time.
Then he said, in all his years of security and hearing all the stories of women who were raped or attacked (edit: those who had interaction with their attacker beforehand), none of them came from someone NOT being nice (as in, not engaging with someone they found creepy). In all cases, it was when women still, after their intuition told them differently, talked to a man, let a man in a door, helped a man, etc. that the man took their “being nice” as an opening.

“when a man in today’s society says “no,” it’s the end of it.
if a woman says no, it’s just the start of a negotiation.”

“men, at their core, are afraid women are going to laugh at them.
women, at their core, are afraid men are going to kill them.”

what do you think about those statements?
As someone who has endured an abusive relationship, i know for a time after that if I got into an argument with a man, i was afraid I was going to be hit.
I no longer fear that. I used to think that I had to be nice to everyone (including creepy guys trying to talk to me) but as I’ve gotten older I know I don’t have to do anything that makes me feel uncomfortable. I guess I do fear maybe that a man would hurt me.

oh but in one of his books he did say something that pissed me off:
“if you get abused once, you’re a victim, if you get abused twice, you’re a volunteer.”
He’s oversimplifying things. He’s ignoring the intricate psychological web that abusers spin around their victims. By the time it actually escalates to physical abuse, you are likely (mentally) trapped. They isolate you from your friends. They say things that subtly dent your self-esteem. That said, I now know signs to look out for, so I can jettison the loser before it ever comes anywhere near that point.